Are you holding a grudge? About?
september 15-16/25 rock farm report!
I’m going to work backwards from today (Monday-Tuesday). TS and I have finally installed the ShelterLogic temporary garage in our parking lot. I’ll add a heavy-duty tarp on top of it to extend its lifespan… so it can survive until I can get my own permanent workshop. More anchors need to be sunk into its frame to prevent the bloody thing from going airborne during the next windstorm. I like fussing around with machinery near the home so that I don’t feel so isolated. The temporary structure will satisfy that need. And if I hurt myself, SOMEONE will be able to hustle over and drag me out of a sticky situation.
We grew cucamelons (Melothria scabra) for the first time. Apparently, they’re also called Mexican sour gherkin, mouse melon, or pepquinos (link to everything you ever wanted to know about cucamelons). What a strange South American vegetable. It tasted like a cross between a cucumber and a peppery melon, with the size of a green grape. Only 1 of our tomatoes ever ripened in the forest garden. The old banana-in-a-paper-bag-with-unripe-tomatoes scheme didn’t work out, so TS is thinking up a green tomato salsa she can create.
While TS’ hand recovers from her second carpal tunnel corrective surgery, we made sourdough bread together. I learned a hard lesson about sourdough made with 0% whole wheat flour — it’s fucking sticky and miserable to work with (just as TS had predicted). I wanted white bread and eventually I got it. Next time, add the whole wheat flour to make it easier to work with, eh.
I had ex-colleagues comment to me that they’d want to step foot into my mind for a bit. I don’t know how to take that musing. It’s an odd place in my cognitive circus! Here are some images that illustrate what mental images goes through my mind:
By next summer, I’ll be in the right headspace again to go diving here at 5 Fathom’s Marine Park. I’m getting back into shape without a bunch of pharmaceuticals pumping through my bloodstream (designed to keep me sane in the classroom). I’m rediscovering my surroundings and it feels like I’m finally re-establishing myself as a person.
We said good-bye to our 2005 Toyota Echo. It’s been recycled and torn up for scrap (at a Wiarton auto-wrecker). 346201 km is enough mileage for our little clown-car. RIP, eh.
answering today’s writing prompt = grudges.
Yes, I’m resuming my work with a talk-therapist. Now, with an added COGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY [CBT] component. And I now live in a much slower paced community (with a 2-3 month tourist blitz). My SSRI regime is different. And I haven’t returned to teaching.
Despite the lifestyle changes, I have axes to grind.
My father’s estate. The bastard eventually followed through with his threats – and disowned me. I received a token amount from his Canadian holdings (a clever strategy so that I wouldn’t have a civil case to attack the estate). I was omitted from his obituary and the bugger sold off my treasured firearms. His US-portfolio were channeled to his 2nd wife’s family (as so it should). His extended medical needs wore out my step-mother. She died about a year after his demise. He adopted his son-in-law as the boy he never had (this was a sentiment that my dad reminded me whenever I attempted to reconnect with my father’s family). The only decent thing my father did in his estate is set up trust funds for his biological grandchildren. If I were to ever go to the site where his ashes were scattered, I’d want to urinate on the site (edit: that’s a waste of fluids, I know. PN).
My early years in the school board. I was in the system during reign of a particularly sociopathic director. His leadership style produced administrators who were toxic and enjoyed setting up school-by-school reigns of terror. The union was significantly weaker than the Toronto district. I had run-ins with Somali gangs and possessive science teacher-peers. I might have enjoyed working with young adults, but the board’s cruel bureaucracy keeps me away from the gig.
I live on an isolated peninsula 4.5h from Toronto. Unfortunately, I had disastrous interactions with neighbours south of us. TS is trying to pick up the pieces from the August drama. While they received my handwritten apology, it’s unclear whether it was accepted by the couple. This is the first time I’ve been accused of being a manipulative liar… and they feel unsafe around me. It’s so bad right now that they treat me as persona non grata at markets. The above dynamics happened when I was tapering off medications and adjusting to our new farm. I blame myself.
Did I mention that I’m returning to structured therapy? I have some personal work to do with my anxiety and workplace PTSD.
I have the physiotherapeutic exercise programs in place to manage my upper torso during my gentleman forestry & farming. It’s great exercise!
I have hobbies! Astronomy. Return to SCUBA diving. Hiking or snowshoeing my property lines. Digital photography. Headphones and weirdo amplification. Tinkering with soldering stations and DIY electronics. Cat fancier. Forestry and permaculture. Angling and returning to boating.
Let’s not discount my daily meditations. Headspace is a fantastic online program.
BCB&B, neemtree, bdb, and blog 