Honestly, no. I rely on my spouse to give me a sober 2nd opinion!

Daily writing prompt

Are you a good judge of character?

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This question caught me by surprise and I really want to address it. I define character as courage, responsibility, initiative, integrity, and self-regulation. When I was a high school science teacher, I could sense the attitude and temper of a gaggle of teenagers. I learned to do that, otherwise my class would erupt into anarchy. There was a power differential in the lab and I had to be able to smell engagement (or disengagement) to keep the crew on task. Can I get an accurate reading on my peers? That was a whole different matter. For my professional acquaintances? That was tricky for me. I would either share too much of my private thoughts or become closed off and view my colleagues with suspicion. Anxiety. PTSD (from navigating violent teenagers). How the hell did I accommodate for this cognitive impairment:

• “Do not confuse malevolence with incompetence“. This mantra helps me keep a smile (smirk?) on my face. A better option: take-5… 1-minute breathing exercise.
• I meditate the fcuk out of myself. Daily. When I calm my mind, I can stop runaway storylines. My interpersonal interactions can then be viewed more dispassionately.
• CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). When the sh*t really gets heavy, I fire up my journal writing… and out comes the Thinking Tables! Column 1 = situation. Column 2 = emotions. Column 3 = thoughts that support emotions. Column 4 = thoughts that refute emotions. Column 5 = negotiate column 3 and 4 = a more balanced thought. Optional Column 6 = new emotions. Where is my personal equilibrium? Can I cope? REPEAT. NO changes in my pain? Meditate!
• Acceptance. I have met people (and will interact in the future)… who(whom?) I will completely misread. That’s when I need to listen to my spouse. For better & worse, we are hyper-tuned to each other. TS can read my non-verbal cues. When possible, I can listen to TS and remove myself from the situation. Or trust her instincts… go with the flow. Mediate and CBT it later.

Here’s a picture of 1 of our house-panthers surveying his domain, from the top of a bookshelf; and an image for my fugly (yet functional) repair of outdoor security lights at my transition home.